About a month ago, my now-wife and I got married at a beautiful, historic property along the Portuguese coast, just a stone’s throw from Lisbon. The ceremony was an intimate 30-person affair, surrounded by our close family and friends. After roughly 18 months of planning that included agonizing about dinner menus, debating “Save the Date” fonts and discussing the comparative merits of various tablecloths, we were fortunate enough to have the wedding of our dreams.
As you might expect, planning and executing a destination wedding, no matter how small, requires a bit of ingenuity, a lot of flexibility and a willingness to accept that, regardless of how organized we are, at least one thing will go wrong. Given my career as a management consultant and my wife’s as a project manager, we couldn’t help but notice a few overlapping lessons from our experiences. At the risk of sounding trite by drawing a comparison between the happiest moment of my life and my day job, the whole adventure connected to a few aspects of my philosophy as a leader, and to how we can be better at managing through chaos.
Don’t micromanage just because something is new to you, too
When you’re doing or learning something for the first time, especially as a leader, I think there’s an inherent temptation to avoid delegating or to micromanage the people around you. After all, “navigating a new environment” is one of the few instances where the urge to look over people’s shoulders is somewhat natural. If you’re not confident in an approach or process, it’s hard to envision your team being confident in it either. You micromanage, in part, because you’re also trying to learn or figure things out along the way.
Good leaders have to trust the people around them to step up to the plate, even when they’re faced with something new. While an environment or challenge may be unfamiliar, your process of approaching a problem the “right way” should remain the same. Whether it’s trusting your best man to plan a bachelor party in a country he’s never been to, or trusting a junior team member to take charge of a brand-new deliverable, strong leaders maintain faith in the process that got them there. Don’t do your team a disservice by taking away their opportunity to learn how to navigate discomfort.
Something will go wrong, and that’s OK
If there’s one big thing I learned from my wedding, it’s that no matter how carefully you (or your partner) planned, at least one thing will go wrong the day of the ceremony. How you respond to that inevitable hiccup determines whether it becomes a major drama or a simple, humorous memory.
Managing in new environments or tackling new client-facing services, products and related initiatives can be approached with the same philosophy. Good leaders accept that something, either within their control or, more often, outside it, will go off script. Their teams acknowledge the issue and work around it, rather than lamenting the problem and pointing fingers.
Leaders who are strong at navigating chaos bring a calm, steady attitude when things go wrong. They understand that setbacks are temporary and recognize that their response sets the emotional temperature of the team. If you can respond to a challenge with humor, placidity and grace, it sets those around you at ease. Emotional regulation can be a difficult skill to learn, especially when you’re deeply invested in the outcome of a project (or the quality of your wedding photos), but it is essential when navigating environments in which mistakes are expected.
Be kind, and trust that everyone’s trying their best
This goes hand in hand with honing your EQ, but with chaos comes stress, and stress can make us short-tempered. When teams face tough questions or are forced to adopt new habits, operating with a “kindness first” policy can help stop emotions from boiling over. High EQ leaders pay close attention to the stressors their team is forced to confront and recognize that learning often comes with mistakes. When deadlines are tight and tempers flare, it can be tempting to give in to your own frustrations, especially if expectations aren’t met. But it’s important to know when “hard conversations” are better left for another day.
If you’re getting married, be nice to venue staff, vendors, and the friends helping you out – especially when somebody makes a mistake. If you’re in charge of a new project or an unfamiliar offering at work, bring that same kindness to the teammates, colleagues and experts whom you are relying on in order to be successful.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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