A client recently told me about a frustrating work situation: they had asked a team member for a deliverable by Friday at 3 p.m. The team member messaged later in the day, overwhelmed, and finally sent the deliverable at 6 p.m.—but it was completely off the mark.
Frustration is a natural reaction in moments like this. But what happens next often determines the quality of your leadership. Too often, we tell ourselves one story—“They don’t care,” or “They’re not committed.” The problem? That story might not be true.
When we explored the situation together, my client identified several alternative explanations: maybe the person misunderstood the request, thought their approach was better, or was simply having a tough week. Each possibility opened the door to a more empathetic and constructive conversation.
So before your next tough feedback conversation, try this: write down three alternate explanations for what happened. It doesn’t excuse poor performance—but it does open the space for curiosity and better dialogue.
As leaders, the stories we tell ourselves about others can limit us—or help us connect. The choice is ours.
Read more: Are you guilty of unclear communication?
