It’s a common gripe that most bosses could be better at offering feedback — and not fumble it. But there’s another type of feedback fumble that drives employees round the bend — being bad at receiving feedback. While bosses are often saddled with the official duty of offering feedback to their employees, they’re certainly not the only ones with opinions. Employees also have observations and ideas on how to improve processes. They have feedback to offer as well, but the boss may never ask for it — and that’s a fumble.
If the boss does ask, perhaps they aren’t really open to it and become defensive. Or maybe they ask, seem open to it, but then fail to do anything differently. The truth is that bosses benefit from feedback just as much (or more) than others, because they potentially influence more people. That means their positive traits have more benefits, and their errors do more damage. Additionally, managers often deal with a broader range of people, making their jobs more challenging. Bosses would benefit from all the help they can get.
However, another truth is that bosses are humans too, so all the reasons employees resist feedback apply just as readily to bosses. We don’t want to look foolish. We want our team to respect us. All that stuff about bits of your self-worth being bound up in your professional accomplishments — it all still applies.
As a leader, what else gets in the way of being open to feedback? Maybe you’re overly tied to tradition. It’s easy to fall into the “this is the way we’ve always done it” mentality. Change causes uncertainty, which can be challenging. However, when we examine our resistance more closely, it’s often just our egos.
Here are four ways to ensure you don’t fumble it when it comes to giving and receiving feedback:
1. Default to feedback about yourself
If you want to create a culture where feedback is welcomed and sought out, start by doing that yourself. Whenever you provide feedback to someone else, start by asking if they have any feedback for you.
2. Ask more questions and make fewer statements
When we feel misunderstood or unheard, we reject any assessment of us as being out of touch. Instead of starting with a list of things you want to say, try starting with a list of questions you want your employee to think about. Questions generate answers. Statements often generate resistance. Develop your coaching skills and use your curiosity to help people come to their own conclusions.
3. Invite collaborative input
When conducting a post-mortem on a large project or reviewing a week of work, try to make the feedback conversation more collaborative in nature. Again, do more asking than telling.
4. The annual review: More career-focused
Since there’s a constant tractor beam towards the day-to-day, it’s more important to intentionally carve out time for longer-term career-related conversations. While some may suggest ditching your “annual performance review,” I’d suggest keeping a slot in your schedule for an “annual career check-in” with each of your people. Instead of looking back at specific projects, have a conversation about their skills and goals. Use that information as a starting point to discuss areas for growth, team needs, roles and how to support them in achieving their goals.
Feedback is challenging because people’s fragile egos become entwined with their performance. Highly defective feedback fumblers will either avoid giving feedback, or they’ll give feedback so insensitively that it might have been better if they’d said nothing at all. An aspiring “less-terrible” boss knows feedback matters, and they learn to do it well. Instead of doling out critical comments that are likely to be poorly received, they get good at asking questions.
When your people see that you are taking feedback seriously, they feel both accountable and acknowledged — both important tenets of a healthy work environment. Best of all, good feedback will help you unlock their best performance. Don’t be a highly defective boss. Build your skills in giving feedback that’s conversational, actionable, timely and sensitive. Don’t be a feedback fumbler.
Opinions expressed by SmartBrief contributors are their own.
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