Over the years, I’ve noticed something curious about my relationships with clients and peers. Some feel purely professional, while others feel more light-hearted and friendly. And a few go much deeper and are the kinds of relationships that make me better at what I do and who I am.
For the longest time, I couldn’t quite explain why those relationships felt so different. I just knew that some relationships left me energized, while others left me feeling drained or disappointed. Then one day, I came across Aristotle’s three kinds of friendships: Utility, Pleasure, and Virtue, and suddenly, it all started to make sense.
This simple framework explained why I connect differently with each person I meet. It also helped me recognize why some business relationships thrive, and others naturally run their course. More importantly, it changed how I show up, how I manage expectations, protect my energy, and share information appropriately.
When you understand which kind of friendship you’re in, everything gets much easier.
Friendships of Utility — The Transactional Ones
Friendships of utility are practical relationships. They exist because both parties gain something useful from the relationship. They’re not built on emotion, but on exchange.
In my world, these are the clients who schedule a session with me to get answers to their business questions. They come in with a specific issue, maybe pricing, marketing, or a funding challenge. They want a professional ear and practical advice. I provide that wisdom, insight, and experience. They leave with solutions.
For me, the value comes through compensation or contribution. Either I’m hired for my advice, or I’m fulfilling one of my volunteer mentorship commitments. For them, the value is direct access to my small business experience and perspective.
That’s the full transaction. It’s not cold or impersonal; it’s professional. We both get value, but it’s a defined and contained value. The relationship starts and ends with the exchange.
From my side, I prepare, listen carefully, and deliver the best insights I can. Once the meeting ends, my responsibility is complete.
From their side, they’re grateful for the help but not necessarily looking for an ongoing relationship.
It’s easy to misread these. If I assume this person should stay loyal, recommend me to others, or maintain contact, I’m setting myself up for frustration or disappointment. They didn’t enter into a friendship of loyalty; they entered into a transaction based on need.
When I understand that, there’s no emotional confusion. I can wish them well, stay open to future interactions, and keep my energy focused on the next client who needs help.
These relationships are the foundation of business; they keep the lights on. The key is to appreciate them for what they are without expecting them to be something else.
Friendships of Pleasure — The Social and Enjoyable Ones
The second type is what Aristotle called friendships of pleasure. These relationships exist because being around the other person is enjoyable.
In my world, this might look like meeting one of my peers for lunch. We catch up, laugh, share updates, and talk about what’s happening in our businesses. There’s no agenda beyond enjoying the conversation.
From my side, these lunches and casual meet-ups refill my emotional tank. They remind me that small business ownership doesn’t have to be lonely. They bring camaraderie, perspective, and a sense of belonging and community.
From their side, they get something similar, a break from the grind, a friendly exchange of ideas, and sometimes, just the feeling of being understood by someone who’s walked a similar path.
The risk comes when I expect more from the relationship than it naturally offers. If I go into that lunch expecting the other person to refer clients to me, or to act as a bridge to new opportunities, I’ve turned a friendship of pleasure into a friendship of utility without their consent. When nothing comes of it, I might leave frustrated, not because they let me down, but because I misread the friendship dynamic.
Pleasure friendships are best appreciated for what they provide in the moment: connection, laughter, and human warmth. They often fade naturally as schedules fill or life shifts, but that doesn’t make them less meaningful. They’re part of the rhythm of entrepreneurship and a reminder that business isn’t just about transactions, it’s about people.
Friendships of Virtue — The Mentorship and Mutual-Respect Ones
Then there are friendships of virtue, the rare and enduring ones built on mutual respect, admiration, and goodwill. These are the relationships that go beyond convenience or fun. They’re grounded in character.
In my world, these relationships show up as mutual mentorships.
Friendships of virtue are relationships in which both people are genuinely invested in each other’s growth. I care deeply about their success, and they care about mine. We share ideas, give honest feedback, and hold each other accountable to be our best selves.
From my side, I’m open and transparent. I don’t hold back insights, and I’m comfortable admitting when I’m wrong or when I need help. I trust their intentions.
From their side, they approach me the same way. They challenge me respectfully, celebrate my wins, and share lessons from their own journey.
What makes these relationships so powerful is that they’re reciprocal and enduring. They don’t depend on deals, events, or shared hobbies; they’re rooted in shared values and integrity. They make me sharper, more grounded, and more accountable.
Friendships of virtue are not common, and that’s what makes them so valuable. They take time to build and often grow out of an earlier utility or pleasure friendship. Over time, as both people prove their integrity and consistency, trust takes root.
In a world where most business relationships come and go, virtue friendships are the ones that last decades. They’re the ones you call when you’re stuck, not because you need something, but because you know they’ll help you see the truth.
These relationships make you better, both professionally and personally. So, when you find these people, hold onto them. They’re worth far more than any client list or marketing campaign.
Related Post: How To Use The FBI’s Friendship Formula To Improve Sales
Where Things Go Wrong
Where business owners often get tripped up is when they misclassify a relationship.
You think someone’s a friend of virtue, but they’re really just there for utility. Or you expect referrals from a friendship of pleasure. Or you treat someone offering genuine mentorship like a transaction.
When the friendship categories get mixed up, so do the expectations, and the emotional fallout can be real.
You feel betrayed when a transactional client doesn’t stay loyal.
You feel used when a “fun” relationship doesn’t lead to opportunity.
You overlook a true ally because you never recognized the depth of their goodwill.
When I started viewing my relationships through this lens, a lot of emotional clutter disappeared. I stopped expecting a depth that wasn’t there. I also started recognizing the quiet strength of the few relationships that truly were built on virtue.
That shift changed how I allocate my energy.
Utility relationships get my professionalism.
Pleasure relationships get my presence.
Virtue relationships get my trust.
Seeing Through the Right Lens
Every small business owner should take the time to map out their key relationships and ask:What type of friendship is this?
Is it Utility — where we exchange value, advice, or money?
Is it Pleasure — where we enjoy the company, but no one owes anyone anything?
Or is it Virtue — where we’ve built mutual respect, trust, and care for each other’s success?
Once you start seeing the difference, you stop taking things personally. You start setting clearer boundaries. You begin showing up in ways that make sense for each relationship’s purpose.
You also realize how few virtue friendships you actually have and how much they’re worth protecting.
Reframing Your Energy
Here’s what I’ve found:
Understanding the type of friendship doesn’t just change how you think about others. It changes how you feel about yourself.
When I enter a new client relationship, I know exactly where it starts, as a friendship of utility. That’s fine. I’m providing a service. I’m exchanging expertise for compensation.
If the relationship naturally deepens over time, if we start sharing more personally, or supporting each other beyond the scope of business, that’s great. But it happens organically.
When I meet peers for coffee or lunch, I enjoy the connection for what it is. It doesn’t have to turn into business. And if it does someday, it’ll be because it made sense for both of us, not because I forced it.
And when I find those rare virtue friendships, the mentors, peers, and collaborators who challenge and elevate me, I invest in them. I show up consistently. I make time for them, even when it’s inconvenient, because those relationships are worth far more than any contract or transaction.
Why This Matters for Business Owners
Running a small business often blurs the lines between personal and professional. You wear so many hats: owner, manager, mentor, friend, that relationships frequently overlap.
That’s why clarity matters. When you know the type of friendship, you avoid resentment. You stop feeling like people “owe” you something. You build healthier professional boundaries, and you protect the relationships that truly matter.
It also shapes how you lead. Employees, customers, and partners all respond differently depending on the kind of connection they feel with you. When you’re clear, they feel it.
Utility relationships thrive on fairness and communication.
Pleasure relationships thrive on warmth and shared experience.
Virtue relationships thrive on trust and shared values.
Knowing which is which helps you show up with the right energy, tone, and expectations.
A Challenge for You
Make a short list of the people you interact with most in your business, such as clients, peers, partners, and advisors. Then ask yourself: Which of these are Utility, which are Pleasure, and which are Virtue?
You might be surprised by how much clarity that simple exercise brings.
You’ll see why some relationships feel easy, and others feel heavy. You’ll understand why certain connections spark growth while others drain your energy. You’ll also realize that not every relationship needs to be deep; it just needs to be understood for what it is because every type of friendship has a purpose.
Utility keeps your business running.
Pleasure keeps it human.
Virtue keeps it honest and whole.
Conclusion
For me, understanding this framework proved to be a practical tool for navigating business relationships with empathy and realism. When you understand the kind of friendship you’re in, you stop fighting human nature. You stop expecting transactional relationships to behave like loyal friendships or assuming casual connections will turn into partnerships.
Instead, you start appreciating each relationship for exactly what it is, and that’s where real peace and real professionalism begin.
When was the last time you paused to categorize your friendships and see which ones truly deserve more of your time and energy?
