Running a small business can feel like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle—impressive when it works, catastrophic when it doesn’t. As autumn leaves begin to fall and Q4 approaches with all its promise and peril, sometimes the best medicine is a good laugh. Here’s a collection of autumn-themed humor that every small business owner will recognize.
The Seasonal Customer Chronicles
The Pumpkin Spice Predicament
Customer: “Do you have anything pumpkin-flavored?”
Small business owner: “We sell auto parts.”
Customer: “But it’s October…”
The Halloween Costume Confusion
Customer walks into a hardware store wearing a full vampire costume in broad daylight.
Customer: “I need screws.”
Employee: “Regular screws or… coffin screws?”
Customer: “Just regular ones. I’m renovating my basement.”
Employee: “Of course you are.”
The Leaf-Peeping Logic
Tourist: “Why are your prices higher during fall?”
Shop owner: “It’s peak season—everyone comes for the leaves.”
Tourist: “But the leaves are free!”
Shop owner: “Exactly. We’re charging for everything else.”
Small Business Fall Survival Strategies (The Funny Truth)
The Inventory Shuffle
You know you’re a small business owner when your seasonal inventory strategy consists of:
Panic-buying 500 Halloween decorations in September
Discovering you still have Valentine’s Day merchandise in the back room
Convincing yourself that orange flowers are “versatile” and will definitely sell until Christmas
Creating “Fall Clearance” sections that somehow cost more than regular price
The Weather-Related Excuse Bingo
Create your own bingo card with these classic fall excuses:
“I can’t come in—I have to rake leaves.”
“The harvest moon is affecting my productivity.”
“My allergies are acting up because of the changing seasons.”
“I need to winterize my car” (in September)
“I’m emotionally preparing for daylight saving time.”
Customer Interactions That Deserve An Award
Fall brings out a special kind of customer, the kind whose questions and requests could fill a stand-up comedy special. Here are a few conversations you’ve probably had (or are about to have).
The Discount Detective
Customer: “Your sign says 20% off for fall. Does that apply to this item?”
You: “Yes, everything in the store is 20% off.”
Customer: “Even this one?” (Holds up the exact same item)
You: “Yes, that one too.”
Customer: “What about if I buy two? Is it 40% off then?”
The Time Traveler
Customer (on November 1st): “Do you still have any of those spooky ghost decorations? I need one for my party tonight.”
You: “I’m sorry, we sold out of our Halloween items last week. We have our new Thanksgiving collection out now!”
Customer: “But Halloween was just yesterday! This is ridiculous.”
The “Just Looking” Pro
Customer: “I’m just looking.”
(Ten minutes later)
You: “Finding everything okay?”
Customer: “Where are your left-handed, gluten-free, ethically-sourced pumpkin carving kits? I can’t believe you don’t have them in the front.”
For small business owners, the start of fall doesn’t just mean cozier sweaters—it signals the beginning of the busiest, most chaotic, and often hilarious time of year. Between prepping for the holidays, managing seasonal staff, and trying to enjoy at least one pumpkin-flavored treat, the absurdity can reach an all-time high.
Quikstone Capital Solutions has officially reached its 20th anniversary, a moment that reflects two decades of dedication to supporting small businesses across the country. If you need cash for your business, contact us today. We have only one goal: to help your business succeed.
